Chapter 1. Home MTC: My surreal commission
Wowza, hi people! It's only been about a week and I feel like a lot has happened, but also like nothing has. I guess that's what sitting at a computer for 6+ hours a day does. All y'all who have office jobs, my heart goes out to you; make sure you're taking time to do some jumping jacks so you don't turn to stone.
Home MTC! I have mixed feelings about it. It's great that I get to start while I'm still in my own house with my family. Gives me more time to finish packing and shopping, and I get to sleep in my bed. Mom, Dad y'all wanna ship my bed to SC for me???😉
There have been some moments though in home mtc where it hasn't been so great. Sticking to a schedule in the mornings and at evenings before and after lessons is tricky. I'm straight up exhausted at the end of the day. Part of that is because of screen time, but I think most of it just comes from constantly focusing and learning so much as well as being constantly taught, led and surrounded by the Spirit more so than I ever have. And it's only the first week! I can only imagine how even more exhausted Joseph Smith and all the other Prophets get.
The most difficult thing about home mtc though is the fact that it doesn't feel quite real. I know I've been set apart, I'm wearing my name tag, I'm learning all these good things about how to be a successful missionary, and I'm teaching. But it just feels like I'm in a simulation. That by the end of the week everyone will "break character" or "take a step back and say 'well that was an experience, let's discuss it'". Still kind of wrapping my head around this new stage and the reality of actually for realzies being a missionary; but at home.
My District is awesome. And I totally love my companion, she's amazing! She's full Navajo and so good at connecting with the people we meet and teaching with the Spirit. Our class lessons are also sooooo gooooood. Our teachers, Sister Carter and Brother Haven are fabulous. Sister Carter is actually a convert, and it's really cool hearing her insight. I am learning so much on how to teach with the Spirit and become more of a disciple of Christ, and I LOVE IT.
They threw us in the deep end with teaching though. Four hours into the first day and we were signing up to teach lessons to people. I was sooooo not prepared for that first lesson. I thought I was. My comp and I had called each other more than once to plan our lesson and what we'd go over. We read the persons' bio and planned around what was there. Then we met with him over zoom, and yikes. It didn't go terribly, but it was rough. The way Sister Harvey put it, after the lesson when we reviewed how it went, was, "he had a lot of ideas that all had 10 questions attached to them." He did say he'd really like to talk with us again, so that's good.
I was kind of hard on myself after that lesson. I really did not feel good about the whole experience, and I think that's because I wasn't so much presenting our beliefs and inviting him to learn for himself as I was trying to convince him almost. It actually kind of made me feel sick, thinking back on it and being harsh to myself. At the end of the day though, after not really feeling the Spirit, I prayed for humility to be led by the Spirit and let Him do the work of changing hearts; I felt much better after that prayer. I am not here to convince people of my "side", I am here to love, testify, invite and help.
We had a lesson in class on Friday that was super duper helpful! This week we've been going through the first lesson, the restoration, and Friday was the day we put it all together. It was a fun activity too! My district combined with another for the lesson. We were challenged to give the lesson in 5 minutes, then 3 minutes, then 1 minute. Brother Haven put us in pairs in breakout rooms and we took turns timing ourselves as we talked. The lesson helped me realize that I do know enough to teach, share and to feel confident in my ability to do so. I feel less lost on how to teach. At least for the first lesson.
We also had a lesson with Sister Carter where we drew where we wanted to be at then of our missions. Mine is I hope to have shared the Light of Christ with the people I meet and that they carry it with them. Hence the little glowing gifts.
It still doesn't feel real to be a missionary. It's been a very surreal experience so far. I don't know when it'll sink in that this is my narrative for the next 18 months. But I do know that I am grateful. Grateful to be set apart and to have the Spirit with me more fully. I am Grateful for what I am learning, not only to share with others but for myself as well. And I am grateful to accept this great commision from Christ, to go and share His Gospel and invite people to come unto Him.
God is a loving Heavenly Father and he wants to bless us. I invite you to pray to feel His love surround you. I say that in Christs' name, amen.
Love, Sister Ray
P.S. Here's one of my favorite things said this week in my district courtesy of Elder Freeman, "Moses parted the Red Sea, just like Jesus parted my hair; and this dent on my head is where the Lord left an impression."
Pics: My feline Comp, end of mission picture 
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