Chapter 59: Grief and the Savior

 Hi y'all! 

(Second title for this week would be "the British are coming!)

Sister Jolley and I have been talking in a British accent all week. Not entirely sure how it started, but if we're not in a lesson, with members, or doing something we need to sound dignified for, this is pretty much the only way we've been talking to each other. And it's so fun! But also a slight problem. It's starting to sneak out when we say prayers, and when we have casual convos with members. We're both even thinking in the accent. Hahaha. 

Full transparency here. This was one of the hardest weeks of my mission. But also one of the weeks I've come closest to the Savior. 

On Monday I got a message from my family that my Gramma was in the hospital and wasn't expected to make it through the night. This is something I prayed would never happen while I was out serving. But God's will is not mine, and He saw it was time for her to start her work on the other side of the veil. 

I asked the Elders for a blessing, so we went to the Smiths and I let them all know what was happening. I have never felt so much comfort and pure love in any moment of distress than I did that night. Sister Jolley, Elder Black and Elder Twiss, and the Smiths are beautiful examples to me of our baptismal covenants as listed in Mosiah 18. To mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those in need of comfort. After and even during my blessing I was just surrounded and filled with so much love. 

The next few days were struggles. I was able to check in with my family throughout the week, which was a blessing. And Sister Jolley was and is so good at checking in with me and caring for me. She was always there to cry with me, make me laugh when I needed it, make sure I was giving myself grace. 

I know that doing this work of Gathering Israel is the most important thing I can be doing right now. And I know that as I help those around me to feel the Saviors comfort and support that I also will. Finding the balance between helping those around me and giving myself time to grieve has been difficult. And some days I just wanted to curl up and not go out. Sister Jolley helped me to find that balance a little bit. Still working on it, and that's okay. 

There's two things in the middle of the week that were big moments of light that carried me through. One was on a day I was just really struggling to get out of the house. I felt so heavy. So we stayed in a little longer and I played the cello I have. I was able to play some Christmas songs that brought the Spirit and helped me to feel light again. 

The second was at a lesson with our friend Damien. He's going through a lot of grief right now and our lesson with him this week was about the Atonement of Jesus Christ. That was one of the most raw and powerful lessons I've had. And honestly that lesson was just as much for me as it was for Damien. 

Saturday was my Gramma's funeral. I was able to watch over zoom. Sister Smith invited us to come to their place and they could watch it with me. I am so grateful for that. 

Watching my family mourn, and mourning myself, I kept thinking about how grateful I am for the knowledge of Heavenly Fathers plan. There's a couple of scriptures from the Book of mormon that talk about "the sting of death being swallowed up in Christ." (Mosiah 16:7-8, Mormon 7:5). How grateful I am to know that because Christ rose from the grave my family will live again. As painful as my Gramma's passing is, I know I would be in a darker place without the peace this Gospel brings. 

I would not have held myself together if it wasn't for my Savior and those around me who are doing their best to emulate Him. 

Don't forget to share the Light you have inside of you. It is so desperately needed. And please don't forget how loved you are. God loves you, Jesus loves you, and I love you. 

-Sister Ray

•Sis Jolley 

•Aiken Zone @ zcm 

•the Elders did hand masks